if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
