I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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