in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize