the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
