You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
