This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
