I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
