opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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