as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
