i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
