I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
