well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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