Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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