how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
