Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
