Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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