how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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