I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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