Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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