her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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