Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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