Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
