grandma shit on top of the toilet
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Someone came in the potted fern
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
