Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize