I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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