He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize