if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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