Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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