Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
