my soul wont recognize me after tonight
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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