I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
