It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
