Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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