He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
