nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
