Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize