I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
