why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just found puke in my bra..
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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