you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
