I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
