I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
