I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
