But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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