the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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