you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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