Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
