There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
