Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
