with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize