i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
