Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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