been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
