i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
