1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
