I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
did i just pee glitter
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
