We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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