There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We have so much sex to catch up on
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize