hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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