I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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