dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize