My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
