i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize