Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
