she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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