if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
