How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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