I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Let's paint friendship bongs
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Sorry about my life...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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