dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize