someone get that fucking seahorse.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
