I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
