dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
