how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
