8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
