Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
