he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I wish you could order shots online.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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