I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He shit in the fireplace
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
