Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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