I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
