I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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