why didn't you poke me back
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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