Umm I'm too high to move.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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