I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
