so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
