Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
