He asked to "fluff my boner.."
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
