if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
